A post by Matthew Zachary Liu, from Facebook.
Friends. We love them to bits because they bring joy and meaning to our lives – that’s the beauty of friendships. The tragedy of course, is when things go bad and we end up hating or walking out of the lives of the ones we love(d).
Sadly, friends drift apart all the time. Groups of friends we might have known from childhood, secondary school, poly or university will dwindle over time for varied reasons. You could be the "best of friends", sharing personal secrets and hanging out almost everyday but become awkward strangers the next season..
Because friendship is really just one of those indefinable words that mean different things to different people at different times. Most friendships are transient, they come and go with time, place and circumstances. Acquaintances may turn into friends, friends to something more.. and yet, sometimes, two people can just naturally drift apart without a reason or explanation; perhaps priorities changed (or we did).. and in the process, it became a mutually understandable natural separation. Friends turn into strangers again. No need for apologies or goodbyes. We just go on and get by. Are became were. Strangers with memories. Memories of a time and moment when we were once friends.
Anyway, I was just thinking about a certain something regarding friendship.. in our lifetime, we all have and will have our different expectations and kinds of friendship.
Strangers. Acquaintances. Friends. Good friends. Close friends. Best friend. They each mean something distinctly different to each of us. Or to me at least.
There is certain this theory on 6 degrees of separation.. this is my "6 depts of friendship".
1) Strangers
We may only meet them once in our lives. Maybe for an hour, maybe for a moment. Maybe we won't even get or remember their names. It doesn't matter. Because the beauty of strangers in our lives is, when our paths coincide in that moment.. they make an impact or leave us with lessons that we learn. Because maybe they aren't meant to be a part of our lives. Maybe their whole purpose was to step in and step out at certain points in our lives.. to guide us, to warn us, to test us, to remind us. Like a guardian angel or the devil's advocate. Whatever it is, it happened. They happened. They walked into our lives for a brief moment but as they continue to walk away in that same encounter, they leave us with something.
2) Acquaintances
This is a level just below strangers. Acquaintances are the ones we might encounter more than once. But we don't know them and they might not know us. Or maybe they do. They know of you as you do of their existence. But you don't know each other. You know OF each other. Encounters with acquaintances are seasonal. They are people you might see occasionally around at camps, campus, your neighbourhood or the work place. You might smile at each other in recognition or acknowledgement but you don't know each other. You only know OF each other. The difference between an acquaintance and friend is that decision to get to know each other.
3) Friends
But even "friends" are complex.. there are different layers to friendship. A friend may just mean two people who met and know each other through circumstances or maybe situational settings. Same class, same department, same social network. You get along. Maybe you need to get along because you need to use each other. Projects. Work. Access to people and places. To me, the most basic and loosely used definition of "friend" merely serves a functional purpose. Two people don't really care that much about each other.. they just get along for the sake of needing each other for a certain purpose.
4) Good friend
Good friends though are the foundations of a friendship. Besides the genuinely good times you share with these friends, you guys go deeper than the superficial. Your good friends know you. Your good friends want to matter in your life. And likewise, you want to matter to them as well. The thing about good friends that sets them apart from "friends" is that in your moment of despair, desperation or greatest joy, your good friends are the ones who will know how much it means to you and will go out of their own way to be there for you in person. They will matter and make it matter to them as well because it matters to you and you matter to them. Hmm I might not make sense but I guess my point is.. good or true friends are the ones who knows when to step in and when to step back but will never step out of your life.
5) Close friend
And then there are the rare few, the ones where conversations goes deeper than words spoken, when the laughter makes you tear and the silence is perfectly comfortable; when time seem to stop but hours pass too quickly and before you know it, you've actually grown up together through the years.. that's when you might come to this beautiful embracement that it doesn't matter where you are or what you do.. it's simply these close friend(s) that you're sharing the moment with that makes it really special. As is the friendship.
6) Best friend
Your best friend.. is the one who is like your soul mate. The one who will be willing to go through or do everything with you. Even if lands the both of you in jail. Even if it means flying across the continent for a once-in-a-lifetime moment of yours. They will be that one friend who will cry the hardest and stay the longest at your funeral. And quite frankly speaking, they may never ever recover from your death should you ever leave them too soon. Your best friend loves you. And you love your best friend too. It's this mutual connection and acceptance and everything strangely perfect that only the two of you will ever understand. Not even your future husband or wife will get it or have this thing that bonds you and your best friend.
You know, I write this post after much pondering on what friendship means to me.. because there were many nights before where i'd lay in the dark scrolling through my phone wanting to just call a friend up to say, "hey", but it hit me like - who can I just randomly call or message at 4am in the night and say hey and they'd be okay with it? That started a whole inward dissecting of the term friendship as well as my relationship with every individual in my life. My weakess is that i love(d) too much. So it was always very hard for me to let go and move on when the other person already has or probably doesn't even care.
To be honest, i've gone through some really rock bottom hard times in the last two years. But that awakened me. To life, to love, to friendship.
And what i've personally learnt is not to live a life constantly trying to seek the love and approval from everyone. We don't need everyone. Just a few right ones. The right ones are good enough. And it's these few right ones that we need to let down our walls and let them embrace us with their sincere love especially when we think we don't deserve it or when we're too weak on our own.
Then, when we're better again or as soon as we realize who this someone or these individuals are who love us dearly, always remember and appreciate them for being there for you, with you, no matter how tiring or painful it may be for them.. and in turn, be there for them when they need you as well. Because it's all these little acts of concern and love in our most desperate and trying times, that will come to mean the most.
And even if people come and go, as they always will.. let them. Let it be. But be grateful. Because for every person that has every walked into our lives, we are a sum total of all our relationships, past and present, mixed together with our own peculiar personality. Every single person we've met along the way, no matter how long we've known them or how much we've shared during those times, have definitely made us who we are today in little ways we might not even have realized ourselves.
All these people are there for a reason. They give meaning and often leave an impact at various stages of our lives. And its all these special moments that are to be treasured because although friendships may not always last forever, its these memories that do.
I'm living my social life different now. I know who are the ones I love and who love me as well. And I want to live a life spending more meaningful moments with them before my time is up, whenever it happens. Because.. i'm not very good at this but.. with some of the individuals in my existing life who've always tried and always been there through the very trying times, i'm learning to try too - to be a better person and friend. For you.
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